So it may be late in the day (already 5:22pm), but I'm starting to think today isn't all that bad. Been a lazy and down past couple of days, but hey, who hasn't had a crummy start to the week.
Kinda liking the job, slowly. Working for the parents is not ideal, or at least, it definitely wasn't in the books to be in this so early in life. The family businesses were always part of the far future, something to fall back on, something eventual but not immediate. But here I am. Grudgingly at first. But it's starting to grow on me. To its benefit, being in the food industry is relatively fun. Sure, frozen yogurt isn't exactly food food, but it's there. And expanding the business makes things just that much more exciting. Not to mention having a friend come in and work with us helped a million times more. When I first started out, having gotten back from BJ, I thought it would be something I'd be doing for a year, tops, then out the door running I'll go. But a year later, it's growing on me. I feel like there's so much potential to develop and grow the business. It's a totally different thing to be working outside of course. But I'll get there. While I still don't see this as a permanent career, as long as I can contribute to this, I'll keep at it. Ultimately, the plan is to go abroad, maybe still Asia (like HK or Beijing), or even Vancouver or something. Let's stick it out here for the moment. There are important factors to consider, most importantly people. Never planned on staying in the Philippines long-term, but times have changed, I have changed. So many things to factor in the whole life equation now.
We were talking yesterday, and he was like,
Don't you get the feeling that things have changed? I mean, since doing Beijing. It's like you don't belong here anymore, even if it is technically home. People aren't the same, family's not the same, least of all friends. They don't understand us, and there's an unspoken, invisible gap now. Guess it's because we've changed, and they've changed, whether they admit it or not, in the time we were away. Beijing's changed us. I guess that's why we tend to stick together with the BJ gang. Cause we get each other, we know what is was like in Beijing, we feel what it's like here. That's why we're so bonded, simple as that.And then we just sat there, waiting for the traffic light to turn green.
I miss Beijing.
I don't get why some people give me (sometimes unsolicited) advice, and tell me that it's still up to me, bahala ka what you wanna do, but then get constantly on my case about why I did what I did. It's really not a matter of being rebellious, but don't you think I know what my actions may result in? I know the consequences of whatever choices I make, really. And it's hard when I am both treated like a kid and expected to act my age; where's the middle ground in that? Let me tell you: there isn't. I'm just so tired. You want me to tell you everything, you keep expecting things to be the same as how it was before. But change is inevitable and constant. Who's to say that these changes have been for the worst? Maybe people just need to accept things, embrace change. You can still be there, still advise, but try not to be so judgmental. You blame me for so much, but have you ever stopped to think that I have never, not once, despite the hurt and pain it's caused not just me, blamed you for things turning out the way they have? So don't hate, don't judge. Sure, when you get down to things, it all began with me. But you helped by dipping your hand in the mix and stirring hard. A lot. No one's perfect, most of all me. So I don't blame. In the end, I know. I know. I am consciously aware of what may come, and I think that's being adult. I want to be able to share, to tell, but it doesn't come easy when every word and action I give elicits a sermon. I'm sorry to burst the bubble that I am or was some perfect little girl who saw things in black and white. The real world, however, contains shades of grey. It doesn't mean I'm a heathen now for it.
Sorry, it's just been a frustrating past few days. Slappin a smile on the face to get through what could be another terribly long week.
Wow. On impulse last night, I looked up my old blog (this one), which I haven't seen in months, and just reading on how I was ten months ago, can't believe how much has changed and happened. Back then, I was depressed, bitter, heartbroken--who was I to know that only a couple of weeks after that last entry on January 7th, things would start to take a turn for the better?
It's November 15th of 2010, I'm so much happier, content, although perhaps a bit hardened now by certain life experiences, but nevertheless BETTER. Granted, any little improvement from how I was then would be good, and seeing where I am right now is amazing. God is good. Life's still not perfect, I'm not perfect, neither am I expecting to ever be, but God always is. God, life and love is good :)