Having zero tears to cry when you want/need to :(
Yup, after a month and 20 days, I have finally run dry. It's just plain sad. Gone are the days where I would lose at least 2 pounds after a good, long cry. Haha but let me just clarify that I do not cry to lose weight! I'll probably hate myself for saying this, but I would rather be fat and together than thin and heartbroken. It just so happens to be the one good thing that came out of crying so much! Lol
I was a bit sad yesterday, and tried to cry, but nothing would come out. It felt bad. I felt frustrated, emotionless. Like not much would affect me anymore. It's kinda scary.
So I tried to sleep. Amazing thing was, after a nice late afternoon massage, and being sick to boot, I couldn't sleep at all. No matter how much I tried, not moving, keeping my eyes closed, sleep just wouldn't come. I just gave up and researched on photography and Christmas wish lists, and playing with Looklet.com with my sister instead. That was fun, especially when she accidentally made the model wear... ;) Oh, and FRIENDS marathon, again.
It was getting late, so I decided I had to try to sleep even just a little. No luck there. It sucked how A) I couldn't, even if my life depended on it (which it probably does), sleep even a mere half hour, B) how (paranoid) images of you and other um, people, kept jumping up at me (almost like counting sheep, except these KEPT me awake; usually, remembering you makes me happy, nostalgic, apparently these views weren't the best) while my eyes were closed, and they weren't the greatest things to think about either, and C) I couldn't cry in frustration of the first two reasons, which just resulted in a night of tossing and turning in bed. Blah.
And now, I have not eye bags, but eye luggage. Yes, they're that bad. I used to think I looked fairly decent when I got out of bed in the mornings, but now I can say with 100% confidence that I look like I got out of a bad zombie movie. I told Lau, "I'm single AND ugly!" Hahaha!
Oh well, it's another day, not great, but it's early, I'd like to think every day has the potential to be better than the one before, hopefully :)
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