So this was supposed to be my birthday post. I wanted to write twenty-five stuff/people/experiences I am thankful for, but having so been out of the writing/blogging loop for a while now, it's getting harder and harder to think of things to write. Thus, this is going to be my eight-groups-of-people-I-thank-God-for-because-it's-the-eighth-day-of-the-month. Lame. Shoot me now.
1. Thank you, Lord, for twenty-five years of Your faithfulness, love and grace. For your gift of salvation, despite being the most undeserving of it all.
2. Thank you, Lord, for my mom. A mom who I've always proclaimed to be the best in the world, notwithstanding every other kid's claim that theirs is the best. A mom who stayed at home to raise three kids in a foreign country, away from family, who epitomized the term 'soccer mom' for me, who made me want to someday be a mother too because of how much fun she seemed to have. A mom who brought me to school every time the driver couldn't, even when I was already in uni, just because I was too afraid to take public transportation in Manila; how I loved the time we spent in the car, chatting, talking about everything under the sun, praying together. A mom who taught me how to drive, who got mad the night before I was to take the driving test, because she was so stressed out I would forget it all. A mom who I remember hugging a crying me to sleep the night before I was to leave for a semester in Beijing, a mom who always text messaged me even when I was in another country. A mom who got angry when I hid something from her, rightly so, but also a mom who wiped my tears and became my biggest supporter in terms of my love life, who cried when I cried, and who was more thrilled than I when I was thrilled. I made her cry more times than I should have or ever wanted to, but who still loves me unconditionally, who lets me be, but guides me still. Who has always wanted the best for me and him, who prayed and continues to pray for us, the perfect model of a submissive wife and loving, Godly mother.
3. Thank you, Lord, for my dad. I know I'm no longer the same clingy little girl I used to be, but I still am that little girl who looks up to him with wide-eyed adoration. My dad who took on crazy jobs when we moved to Vancouver, who took us on hikes and biking trips, and watched hockey with us (Go, Canucks!!!). Even if we may disagree more times in a week now than we ever have in most of my twenty-five years of life, he forgives and loves me still. I'm not under the illusion that I have been the ideal daughter, but how many kids out there can testify to a dad who apologizes when he knows he is at fault? A dad who has always been of utmost perfection, of upright Christian character, which is not to say that there were times that I did not like the expectation of being as good as he is, but to whom I look up to even so. I let him down so much, but still he is there.
4. Thank you, Lord, for my brother, who was there for me, letting me crash him and his friends' nights out during the hardest period of my life, sometimes (grudgingly) letting me use him for personal driver purposes. Surprisingly, it's also my brother in whom I find a most unlikely ally in certain family battles and issues. We don't always get along, and I know we piss each other off more often than we should be, but you just know that the love is there, unspoken, but true.
5. Thank you, Lord, for my sister, who I can always talk silly too; seriously, the conversations we have are too ridiculous for anyone to ever understand :p I know we hardly ever see eye-to-eye, me vs. my ultimately-perfect-Godly-every-parent's-dream-daughter sister, but I do love her so.
6. Thank you, Lord, for my huge and amazing family, all my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandpa. We've had so much fun over the years, and you just know that without God in the center of our household, we couldn't have ever managed being so close all these years--my second parents and siblings. People always wonder how we all manage to remain close with no real family fueds or clashes, but we always know it's only God who keeps us together. For my grandpa, my angkong, who, even though he's old and weak, in times when he is lucid, clings to my hand and pats me, smiling and saying what a good girl I am. I don't say it or show it as much as I should, but I love my angkong so much; he's the only grandparent I have most memories of.
7. Thank you, Lord, for Rainy. Well, you know all about that already, I've said so much about him. It's definitely not been an easy ride, but thank you for giving me such an amazing guy outside my already awesome family who I can call my best friend, who loves me even if I have disappointed him over and over again. I know You've given him to me for a reason.
8. Thank you, Lord, for my friends--my Beijing family, the guys I grew up with and all other friends in between. They've all touched my life in one way or another, and most of them are forever friends, my family and home away from home. My BJ girls who saw me through my darkest hours, the boys who hugged me when they ran out of stuff to say. I could not ask for a better bunch I can be totally myself with.
Thank you, Lord, for a fresh start every day, every morning. I am most undeserving of everything You've given me, most especially all of the aforementioned. I know I am a terrible person, imperfect and perhaps the most pig-headed and stubborn of all Your children, but still you love me, and give me what I need and want. I love you, I can only hope and work toward lifting Your name higher, as well as giving back to those people above, and to the rest of world I may encounter. Grant me the wisdom and strength to get through the next chapter of my life, because it's crazy scary not knowing what's in store for me, except that thought that You have and always will go before me :)
Love,
Pau
Your current relationship. If single, discuss how single life is.
So.. I don't know if talking about this will get me in trouble or not. Haha!
Well, I guess it's a known fact which guy my heart belongs to in this world; I say this world because ultimately, it's God, but that's a whole other story. We're taking things easy, enjoying the days as they come, becoming better friends, better people to each other, and hopefully to the people around us as well. Growing and learning together. I never really had a problem being single before all this, and I don't know if this makes me seem conceited, but I know for a fact that was a strong girl standing on my own, although that's not to say I never had family to lean on when I needed them. But things change, people change. I saw what it was like to be with someone, to have someone holding your hand through life stuff, a partner who doesn't walk before you or behind you, but rather beside you. He who looks out for you and looks at you the way no one ever has, who sees beauty in the world and in you when you can't see it for yourself. Who always is honest and frank, bluntly telling you things you do not want to hear, because that's just how it is with you guys, and who always wants you to become better, even when it hurts. He who tries to get to know your family and have them fall in love with him, too, who you know is in it with you through the thickest or thinnest of times. Who makes you cry and laugh, who you can be absolutely silly with and not worry about looking ridiculous in front of, someone with whom you can just sit in comfortable silence with.
First, I never meant to fall in love with him, that's the most honest truth I can say. And secondly, when I did, I tried so hard to not be. It started out that we detested each other when we were kids, but met again years later and found we could actually be friends. From then on, it was all up; he became a really good friend turned best friend if only minus the tension. And I prayed, in the craziest and most annoying way: if it wasn't to be, then don't let it be, but if He was God's best, then hey, bring it on, let him fall in love with me. Take note, this prayer was way before I fell for him, but at the time when we were becoming great pals and I was just slowly starting to see the qualities that made him likable beyond just friends.
Being single isn't all that bad--in fact, it may even be for some people to be strong alone for life--although it's probably a state that's harder to go back to now if you've known what it was like to walk with someone beside you.
I can honestly say though, that while I have very sure and strong feelings, I don't know where all this is heading. I can pray, wish, beg, but still I don't know; God knows I wish I did. It hasn't been easy--WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH!! Ultimately though, it's His plan. But an assurance I take refuge in is, He knows my heart :)