Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
Ten years, I'd be thirty-five. Well, THAT's depressing. Haha!
In all seriousness though, in ten years, if we were to be completely, utterly honest with each other, and, what the heck, throw in some idealism, I'd want to have my own family. I'm thinking, soccer mom with three, four kids? I could stay at home or follow those semi-stay-at-home-mum trend that's been getting more and more popular these days--juggle both home, husband, kids and maybe a business on the side. That's the ideal world.
'Course, we never know how things turn out, I could always end up one of those forever-alone types, although dear God, I hope and pray that's not how it will be. I think deep down, everyone wants a family, whether or not that entails children, at least a partner in and throughout life, y'know?
Gosh, it used to be that at my age, people were well on their way to establishing families. Heck, my own parents were parents already to two kids at my age!! My friends and I wonder sometimes, how our parents managed to be stable and build up their lives at such a young age; the thought makes us feel inadequate and inferior. Maybe it's different times, different priorities. I don't know. To be honest, while I used to think I knew what I wanted, right now, I don't think I do--how can I when I haven't felt like I've fully established myself to be adequate enough to even begin to fathom the idea of starting a family? Maybe I have the guy. Maybe I have the right intentions. But the prerequisites needed for the future? I don't think I'm quite there yet.. Sigh.
So many thoughts. Let's see. A lot of praying and thinking up ahead, eh? And still so much to look forward to. I am genuinely excited to see how the next ten years of life go :)
So this was supposed to be my birthday post. I wanted to write twenty-five stuff/people/experiences I am thankful for, but having so been out of the writing/blogging loop for a while now, it's getting harder and harder to think of things to write. Thus, this is going to be my eight-groups-of-people-I-thank-God-for-because-it's-the-eighth-day-of-the-month. Lame. Shoot me now.
1. Thank you, Lord, for twenty-five years of Your faithfulness, love and grace. For your gift of salvation, despite being the most undeserving of it all.
2. Thank you, Lord, for my mom. A mom who I've always proclaimed to be the best in the world, notwithstanding every other kid's claim that theirs is the best. A mom who stayed at home to raise three kids in a foreign country, away from family, who epitomized the term 'soccer mom' for me, who made me want to someday be a mother too because of how much fun she seemed to have. A mom who brought me to school every time the driver couldn't, even when I was already in uni, just because I was too afraid to take public transportation in Manila; how I loved the time we spent in the car, chatting, talking about everything under the sun, praying together. A mom who taught me how to drive, who got mad the night before I was to take the driving test, because she was so stressed out I would forget it all. A mom who I remember hugging a crying me to sleep the night before I was to leave for a semester in Beijing, a mom who always text messaged me even when I was in another country. A mom who got angry when I hid something from her, rightly so, but also a mom who wiped my tears and became my biggest supporter in terms of my love life, who cried when I cried, and who was more thrilled than I when I was thrilled. I made her cry more times than I should have or ever wanted to, but who still loves me unconditionally, who lets me be, but guides me still. Who has always wanted the best for me and him, who prayed and continues to pray for us, the perfect model of a submissive wife and loving, Godly mother.
3. Thank you, Lord, for my dad. I know I'm no longer the same clingy little girl I used to be, but I still am that little girl who looks up to him with wide-eyed adoration. My dad who took on crazy jobs when we moved to Vancouver, who took us on hikes and biking trips, and watched hockey with us (Go, Canucks!!!). Even if we may disagree more times in a week now than we ever have in most of my twenty-five years of life, he forgives and loves me still. I'm not under the illusion that I have been the ideal daughter, but how many kids out there can testify to a dad who apologizes when he knows he is at fault? A dad who has always been of utmost perfection, of upright Christian character, which is not to say that there were times that I did not like the expectation of being as good as he is, but to whom I look up to even so. I let him down so much, but still he is there.
4. Thank you, Lord, for my brother, who was there for me, letting me crash him and his friends' nights out during the hardest period of my life, sometimes (grudgingly) letting me use him for personal driver purposes. Surprisingly, it's also my brother in whom I find a most unlikely ally in certain family battles and issues. We don't always get along, and I know we piss each other off more often than we should be, but you just know that the love is there, unspoken, but true.
5. Thank you, Lord, for my sister, who I can always talk silly too; seriously, the conversations we have are too ridiculous for anyone to ever understand :p I know we hardly ever see eye-to-eye, me vs. my ultimately-perfect-Godly-every-parent's-dream-daughter sister, but I do love her so.
6. Thank you, Lord, for my huge and amazing family, all my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandpa. We've had so much fun over the years, and you just know that without God in the center of our household, we couldn't have ever managed being so close all these years--my second parents and siblings. People always wonder how we all manage to remain close with no real family fueds or clashes, but we always know it's only God who keeps us together. For my grandpa, my angkong, who, even though he's old and weak, in times when he is lucid, clings to my hand and pats me, smiling and saying what a good girl I am. I don't say it or show it as much as I should, but I love my angkong so much; he's the only grandparent I have most memories of.
7. Thank you, Lord, for Rainy. Well, you know all about that already, I've said so much about him. It's definitely not been an easy ride, but thank you for giving me such an amazing guy outside my already awesome family who I can call my best friend, who loves me even if I have disappointed him over and over again. I know You've given him to me for a reason.
8. Thank you, Lord, for my friends--my Beijing family, the guys I grew up with and all other friends in between. They've all touched my life in one way or another, and most of them are forever friends, my family and home away from home. My BJ girls who saw me through my darkest hours, the boys who hugged me when they ran out of stuff to say. I could not ask for a better bunch I can be totally myself with.
Thank you, Lord, for a fresh start every day, every morning. I am most undeserving of everything You've given me, most especially all of the aforementioned. I know I am a terrible person, imperfect and perhaps the most pig-headed and stubborn of all Your children, but still you love me, and give me what I need and want. I love you, I can only hope and work toward lifting Your name higher, as well as giving back to those people above, and to the rest of world I may encounter. Grant me the wisdom and strength to get through the next chapter of my life, because it's crazy scary not knowing what's in store for me, except that thought that You have and always will go before me :)
Love,
Pau
Wasn't expecting much of turning twenty-five yesterday, and after a sudden unfortunate change of events, I was even more down and not in any way looking forward to anything. Add to that my limited list of food I could eat because of a sudden attack allergies. Phooey, right?
Woke up early in the morning to get ready, my mom and Josh drove me up to the mountains to meet up with friends for a couple of friends' wedding. Beautiful weather, amazing time. Took a little stop at Starbucks for some coffee and sandwiches, then had a lovely ride down with Rainy. Surprised when he brought me to Lugang, knowing I have been wanting to have good 小龙包 for a long time already--really good food, but more than the food, it was the thought he put into it. He held back on the food, ordering the good stuff but making sure those didn't contain any allergy-triggering ingredients; Rain wanted to get me cake too, but knew I couldn't. And knowing me best, we got tea to go, knowing it would cap off the great day we had perfectly :)
Thanks for spending my birthday with me, I know it's not easy to make time sometimes, but I loved it :)
Got home in the afternoon to a poor, sick sister :( played with my baby cousin and hung with the sister
and Skyped in the evening :)
Real laid-back day, but it was incredible <3
I am blessed, very happy, content :) this is the perfect way to begin the next twenty-five years of life :)
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Twenty-five years ago today, a baby boy was born. So he probably had pale white skin (which women of today envy and spend tons of money on products that would make them even the teeniest bit nearly as white as him) and adorable, crinkly Chinese eyes. I'm sure he cried and made a fuss a lot ;)
Twenty-five years later, still the same silly face with the same cute eyes :) and I can attest to the fact that he still fusses around like a girl too haha
When people ask how long I've known him, I never really know what to say; technically, I've known him since we were little kids in Sunday school--back then, we did not like each other at all. I thought he was loud and obnoxious and such a typical immature boy, he saw me as a quiet, uptight snob. We saw each other a lot, too much then, to appreciate it. Guess it was partly due to that adolescent phase when girls think, "Boys, ugh," and boys think, "Girls, yuck!" Lost touch when we hit high school, I think, but reconnected when we were both abroad in Beijing for post-uni studies. Honestly I was surprised he remembered me, cause like I said, we near-detested each other's guts back then (right? Right??). But this was different. I found him to have changed, he seemed to have matured, while I was in the process of changing as well. What especially drew me to him was how the goodness of his heart shone without him trying, how he seemed to have such a heart for other people :)
VERY long story made short, we became friends, very good friends, best friends, who've been through pretty much anything and everything together. So many firsts. Silly stuff, serious stuff, fun stuff, heartbreaking stuff. Bike races through Beijing streets, pigging out on meat-all-you-can hotpot lunches just us two, cheap street food dinners, studying at Bridge, ridiculous pillow fights, staying in for the weekend just watching TV series and ordering delivery, going out for midnight snacks in the dead of Beijing winter, existing in the city we love, milk tea dates back home, being yoga buddies, acting as my chauffeur, just chill weekend partners, and so so much more. Through it all, there's only been two things, learning and living, together. It's the most amazing thing to have someone who gets you, who nudges you to be better, to be able to sit in comfortable silence with someone and not have to worry about saying something wrong, to be able to be at your silliest and craziest with him without being judged, to be able to tell him everything and know that he's there and not going anywhere.
I remember a year ago, I wrote him a long birthday email, and ended up making us both cry. Of course, things were different then. He was in Beijing and I was stuck here. Not the ideal way to celebrate someone important's birthday apart. Which is why I'm thankful for this year, I got to spend it with him, even if it was in advance. And even then, when the day was supposed to be special and about him, HIS day, he turned the tables on me and made it about me too. That's just how good he is. Deep down, it's there, even if he shows a manly, tough exterior sometimes :)
So much has happened--time, distance, drama, issues. But we've gotten through them. At least most of them ;) we're works in progress, but I believe He who began this good work in us will be faithful to complete it :)
Thanks, Rainy, for everything. Thank you for teaching me, bearing with me, standing by me and loving me. You know what I'm talkin about :) and you know I've always got your back, no matter what, where, when, how, how long. If you're sad, I cry with you, and when you're happy, I'm even happier for you. Even if it is just me, at least you've got me :) you are superduper loved <3
xoxo
Paupau
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I had dinner last night with old childhood friends. This group is actually a hodge-podge mix, all ages, mostly consisting of siblings. I love them, how can I not when I've known them the longest, but I just don't like it when everyone depends on just you to take charge. I guess I have it in me to automatically take over, my mom says I was born to be a big sister. I savor times with my brother and sister, spoiling them and watching out for my baby cousins, but it's not a character I want to be carrying out all the time, most especially when I'm with friends. With friends, you just wanna chill and have fun, not worry about stuff, about where we're eating, or fret about not having made plans ahead of time. So I may have to loosen up still, but please, when you make plans, please ensure that you MAKE THEM. I do not enjoy stress, really I don't, least of all be the party pooper. It's just that, when you plan something, please please please follow through. I know we're all in the age of just-keep-livin as a mantra, then again, I don't know. The holidays are getting stressful! Another sign of old age. You know you're not a kid anymore when Christmas starts getting to your head and stops being just fun, eh. Even figuring out what to order was tiring.
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A trending tag on Twitter today is #dearfuturehusband. I saw @TheRealJordin say: "#dearfuturehusband I pray for you and struggles you may have before you even meet me, daily. Also that you'll ♥ Jesus, football and music as much as I do ☺"
I love the thought of praying for that one person you are destined to spending the rest of your life with, even if you haven't met him/her, and if that is in the ultimate plan for you. It's what I do, it's what I still do, if not for my future husband, then at least for that special person in my life right now, who is possibly in it for good. I pray for you, your family, for whatever struggles you may have, even now, even if it has nothing to do with me at all. That God will watch over you when I can't. And how I pray that you'll love Jesus, music, helping people and just being silly together as much as I do. No matter what happens. God has always been faithful in answering my prayers, and I believe he will continue to :)
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