I don't get why some people give me (sometimes unsolicited) advice, and tell me that it's still up to me, bahala ka what you wanna do, but then get constantly on my case about why I did what I did. It's really not a matter of being rebellious, but don't you think I know what my actions may result in? I know the consequences of whatever choices I make, really. And it's hard when I am both treated like a kid and expected to act my age; where's the middle ground in that? Let me tell you: there isn't. I'm just so tired. You want me to tell you everything, you keep expecting things to be the same as how it was before. But change is inevitable and constant. Who's to say that these changes have been for the worst? Maybe people just need to accept things, embrace change. You can still be there, still advise, but try not to be so judgmental. You blame me for so much, but have you ever stopped to think that I have never, not once, despite the hurt and pain it's caused not just me, blamed you for things turning out the way they have? So don't hate, don't judge. Sure, when you get down to things, it all began with me. But you helped by dipping your hand in the mix and stirring hard. A lot. No one's perfect, most of all me. So I don't blame. In the end, I know. I know. I am consciously aware of what may come, and I think that's being adult. I want to be able to share, to tell, but it doesn't come easy when every word and action I give elicits a sermon. I'm sorry to burst the bubble that I am or was some perfect little girl who saw things in black and white. The real world, however, contains shades of grey. It doesn't mean I'm a heathen now for it.
Sorry, it's just been a frustrating past few days. Slappin a smile on the face to get through what could be another terribly long week.
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