It's funny in a mean, somewhat ironic kinda way how I thought that this would be the year where I'd get to celebrate the holidays, birthdays, and whatnot random days with you. Maybe not physically there or here both at the same time, but at least together, knowing you were there for me and vice versa. It's crazy how things change. And it really stinks to sometimes feel like you're the only one hurting, and the only one who's really affected by everything. It makes you feel invisible, insignificant, forgettable. It's already been three months and a day since we gave up. Can't believe I'm still breathing.
I was so sad, with the holidays and everything, plus your birthday the other day. I had so many things planned months ago, both surprises and simple, typical birthday stuff. I wish I could've been with you to ring in your birthday, to share in your day. A well-planned celebration turned to cancellations and a sad night alone. Well, we got to talk a bit, so I guess it was okay. We got to clear some things up, so I guess it's alright too, in a small way. And I guess I did get to surprise both of us unexpectedly, definitely not the way I thought it would be. But still, regrets. I wanted to make your first birthday with us together a happy one. I really, really did.
Well, your day's over now, so it's back to the old grind. Just me and me. And crap, my birthday's coming up next. That sucks. People have been asking me what I plan to do, but I'm stumped. I don't feel like much fun, guess dinner with everyone complete, just like last year's birthday would be fine with me, but with people coming and going, people forgetting, people making plans without me, that kind of seems impossible. Again, amazing how I expected this birthday to be one of the best I've had, and then how things change in a couple of months. Sigh, we'll see. Maybe things will start to look up for me in the coming weeks, or maybe not.
One thing to look forward to though: a Saturday filled with my best girls and Jun, a movie, food, and karaoke (although I'm not so sure I'll make it to the last one, booooo). Please, PLEASE let this be a good weekend.
2 Responses to “I only need one, just one, good day.”
Oh trust me, Achi Pau, been there, done that. :| Haha. Especially the planning surprises part.
I guess it hasn't be easy, but ... time heals all wounds. Not completely, but in a way. :) You'll find a way to take lemons and make them into lemonade. :) Ikaw pa.
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