2008. What a year it's been. The only word I can think of to describe this year would be legendary. You know how they say everything you need to know, you learn in kindergarten? Well, mine would be everything I need to know, I learned in 2008.
Independence. Packing up and moving to Beijing has been a major change for me. From a pretty pampered existence in Manila to living the whole uni student life--staying in a dorm, doing laundry, cleaning the room, taking public transportation, doing groceries--let's just say those aren't things you would usually find me doing back home. Heck, I couldn't even decently cross the street in Manila, and now you'll see me weaving nonchalantly through throngs of ruthless cabs and worse, bicycles here, unfazed by all the honking. And bargaining in Chinese! Who would've thought.
Mandarin. Well, it IS what I came to Beijing for, to learn to read, write, and speak Chinese fluently. And I think I have. It's now just a question of whether I've learned enough, enough to fulfill my dream of working in Asia. For now.
People skills. Normally, I'm the shy girl. It's hard to make conversation with strangers. It's like, you talk to me first, THEN I'll answer; I might throw in some small talk too if you're lucky. But going to another country and then going to a university which is full of students from all walks of life and from every corner of the world, I've gotten used to approaching total strangers and talking to them. I mean, I still am the more timid one out of the lot, but when you've gone through meeting new people every day and every week, introducing yourself and getting to know other people will become second nature, as it has done me.
Heart. If I had to choose a year out of all my 22 years wherein I experienced the most conflicting emotions in my heart, it would be 2008. I broke someone's heart, and for that, I fear I may have lost a friend, if not forever, and things definitely won't be the same, not for a long time. It's also in this year that I have actually felt something more (than the typical crush) for someone. The smallest things--a smile, a "Hey," or a text--make me go "Aww." Where an every day hanging out or just plain talking makes my day. A crush I actually got to know and have become friends with. Someone who seems to see me the way I do him. But not to worry, everyone. He and I are just friends. Seriously, that's all there is to it now.
Letting loose. A friend told me the other day, "You gotta live a little, Pau!" I agree. And I think I have started to. I wasn't the most boring person before Beijing, or so I'd like to think, but for sure, I was pretty reserved (yup, that's the word the same friend used to describe me), sometimes too responsible and big-sister-ish in a bad way. Since getting here though, I think I've learned pretty well how to live and let live (I've had great teachers). Be a bit more spontaneous. Can't have too much fun. Good clean fun. Party party.
Family. For someone with as close family ties as I do, being away from everyone for almost half a year has been trying. I've been so used to seeing all of them every day, and with bi-weekly clan dinners and quarterly trips and vacations. Being so far from home has just made me realize how much exactly they mean to me, and without a doubt, has made me not take them for granted anymore. All those lonely nights when I suddenly miss them just because. And I've realized how 'family' can not just pertain to people you are related to by blood, but also to those who are the ones closest to your heart. Especially when we all find ourselves in a place which we cannot yet call 'home', friends I've known just a mere 5 months somehow seem a bit more like family to me than some people I've known for years, even my forever friends. No offense to them, I love them all the same, but living in a foreign land with only each other to call on when we need help, it just makes us form a special bond with each other, y'know? The girls our sisters/shopping buddies, and the guys our tour guides/nannies/bodyguards/brothers, that's our little family. Everyone has the same background, typical story, but if not for Beijng, we probably all would not have met, and because of that, they will always have an extra special place in my heart. I'd probably have gone insane by now if I hadn't met them.
Purpose. Never have I felt the full magnitude of my being an adult as I have the past year. Graduating from uni, working a bit for the family businesses before heading out to Beijing, and trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with the rest of my life, or the at least the near future, has weighed heavily on my mind. Never would have thought that I'd be studying after finally finishing my university degree, but here I am. And I never imagined considering Asia as the starting point for whatever career I could possibly have, since I always thought I'd go to Canada first. Now I'm faced with the prospect of most likely extending another semester at BLCU and working in Beijing. And after then what? Do I stay in Beijing, or within China, or maybe go instead to HK or Singapore? It's just been more evident to me that I have to make decisions for myself, and that I have to stick with them. And I think I'm getting there.
God. I came to Beijing with one mantra: be independent, but at the same time dependent on God. I mean, I came here not really knowing anyone, and without family to constantly run to. And it's turned out okay. Sure, there have been times that I've been too caught up with cramming studies or enjoying with friends, but in the end, I really have God to thank for getting me through this year and the Beijing experience. If I am to push through with another sem, then hello, God, it's me again.
Words cannot describe all that went on the past year. Maybe I will always look back on 2008 as the year I finally grew up. I feel now you can toss me to any part of the world, and I could possibly survive, about a 90% survival rate. =)
There are so many questions for 2009. Should I stay on for one more semester? Will I find a job I actually like? Do I work my way up the corporate ladder or go with doing what I've always wanted to do and go work for a non-profit organzition? Where will my career begin? Will I find it fulfilling? And hey, will I finally meet my special someone? Hmm, maybe I've met him already?? Haha. Almost 23, definitely not getting any younger eh? Where will I end up in, Manila or somewhere else?
God, thank you for everything that I've had the past year, all the good times, and even the tough ones. Sometimes it seems like it's all too much to take in. Definitely hasn't been easy, and there were moments when I wished 2008 would come to an end fast. But then it's also exciting to have to start 2009 and to have everything to look forward to. There's just so much promise in what God'll bring all my tomorrows. =)
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